You must practice self-control by never thinking about sex, lest you anger God and violate his commands in the Bible. Sex should only be experienced in marriage, in which case then a married couple can have at it as much as they want. What disturbs me, however, is when I see good Christians take this understanding of their sexuality. I see this, on occasion, when couples practice abstinence in their relationship apart from chastity. It is what enables the human person to express their sexuality as an act of love instead of an act of using another person as a means to an end. Abstinence is simply saying no, or abstaining, from sex. What body part was exposed? Her elbows. It is impossible for me to judge the hearts and intentions of these people and their relationships.
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Later, I went through a rather public breakup, and people within the church constantly asked me what happened—not out of care or concern, it felt, but out of a desire to know the details, to be able to better decide which side to take as our community severed. Like many parts of faith, Christian dating culture is home to many double standards. Engaging in premarital sex is sometimes seen as equal to losing all worth as a human being, and yet we claim to base our faith on the Gospel of grace.
Groups of Christians mean well when it comes to helping people navigate relationships, but there are a few ways we all tend to make things way more complicated than they need to be. But when we, as individuals or as a church, are obsessed with romantic relationships, we miss out on so much more God offers us. Couples end up too serious too fast, or breaking things off far too soon. If we harp on how unhealthy those two seem together, we feel less insecure about our own relationship status.
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